Since I have been awake this morning, I have felt a heaviness that will not go away. I can't really describe it, except that it feels like sorrow and burden.
Have you ever been so sad and you didn't know why? I can remember countless times as a young convert asking the Lord and pondering this sadness. I remember praying and crying so much that my stomach would hurt.
There are times when my heart won't stop breaking for reasons unknown. Sometimes I would cry around people I didn't even know, simply because I could feel their pain or see it on them.
I would wake up in the middle of the night and feel this uncontrollable urge to cry, for no reason in particular. I would ask the Lord why I was always so sad. I didn't understand it. I even "reminded" Him that I was to have joy.
It came to me one day that this was something He put in me because of my love for people. There will never be any getting away from it. It is part of who I am. It's painful and there is a lot of sorrow that comes with it. However, my love for God and people is far greater than this sadness.
Just to be used of God gives me great joy deep inside. Please remember that if you see me with a sad face, it doesn't mean that I am not happy. I am just a willing vessel who has found a place in the Kingdom and has joyfully accepted it.
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